You Came Back To Me

One of the sessions at the 2014 Stillbirth Summit was a free writing workshop. After such an intense few days of medical research and information I was ready for a creative release. Although I’ve enjoyed writing for quite some time I haven’t really sat down in a creative sense since my days in college. I was shocked at how incredibly freeing it was. I was more shocked at how special it was to write TO my children.

We were asked to read the poem Beloved by Toni Morrison and write in response to a single line that spoke to us. The intention here was to write without ceasing or thought. Simply let the words pour out of you and then step back and see what you have. No editing. No picking apart. Just living with the words that came.

The line that I chose to respond to was, “You came back to me.” This is what came of that session.

You Came Back To Me
by Janelle Wourms

You came back to me.
You were lost and I was lost with you for what felt like forever.
The fog came in and darkened my door.
Closed inside.
Dark.
Alone.
Where are you?
I need you.

The clouds broke one day from the corner window with the shade pulled tight.
Do I open it?
Are you there?
Can I find you once again?

My eternal hope sees you in my arms wrapped tightly.
Safe.
Warm.
Encircled in sunshine.
My break from the storm.

I step out into the darkened door and look for you.
Moments slip by and I see you in ways I never imagined.
The dragonfly darting by.
Three birds on a wire.
Fresh strawberries.
The warm sun on my face.

Wait.
There it is.
Light.
Hope.
The replacing warmth of your memory.
The pieces, fragmented still, but becoming clear.

Walking from the fog and grasping for your hand.
You are there.
You are there.
You are here.
You came back to me.

We Remember You : You Are Special Today

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I love that this candle has three wicks encircled in white wax. They seem protected. We light it often when we’re thinking about them. It lives in a plate that says, “You Are Special Today”. We got it as a wedding gift from a dear friend Leslee. I imagined using it for our family on birthdays or when my children have achieved something special. Instead I use it as a reminder that they ARE special each and every day.

 

We Remember You : Circled in Silver

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The necklace my dear friends Anna and Nicki had made for me. It was waiting on my table when I got home from the funeral. The beautiful little feet pin that Amy had for the family at the funeral. Some of my family still wear these on their jackets and it brings a tear to my eye every time I see them. Thank you for remembering.