2012: Capture Your Grief: Day 5

Day 5. Memorial This could be anything you have had done in memory of your baby/ies/child/ren. It could be their plaque at the cemetery or a tree that has been planted in their memory, anything.

My thoughts: This one was hard for me. Not to look at. Not to write. It was hard to come up with something tangible that we’ve done as an actual memorial. I have a place in my home where I keep their picture and their ashes while we work out details for burial. It’s not an intentional memorial though. It’s just evolved into a place that I look to. It didn’t feel right for this. So instead I’m posting a picture of something else I cherish that we did, not for them, but for my three year old daughter. We struggled desperately to explain what happened to the babies in the days/weeks/months following their death. Each night as I tucked her into bed she asked questions I couldn’t answer, “Why did God take the babies away? Is He going to take my house away?” “Are you going to the doctor to get the babies now?” and on and on and on. In the midst of my own grief I struggled desperately. My mom had the idea to do her footprints and show her the babies’ footprints to try to explain that they were too little to stay here. We did our entire family. It was a joyful experience and hopefully some connection for her to her siblings. It’s a good perspective to anyone who wants to understand how small they were… and yet how perfect. Today they’re safely kept in “the box” and I hope that in the future I can use them to show her again when she’s old enough to understand more. (I love that you can see that Alexis had little tiny versions of my feet – nearly identical to my foot prints here. Elliot had feet just like Nate’s with the extra wide toes. Alice’s are often painful for me to look at but I try to celebrate her wings today.)

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