“What I Need”

Found on another grieving mom blog Four Plus an Angel

What I Need by Jessica

I need to say her name without bringing everyone to tears.

I need her life to be included in the count of children, grandchildren, nieces and nephews.

I need kindness on birthdays and understanding on holidays.

I need to stay in bed and a reason to get out of it.

I need to talk endlessly and to let the phone ring.

I need an extra hug and respect for my space.

I need someone to ask how I’m doing and want to know the real answer.

I need careful announcements of pregnancies, baby showers and births, mine did not turn out as I hoped.

I need a “handle with care” sticker for my heart, my emotions have been fragile since the day I said goodbye.

I need patience and reminders for my mind, part of it will always be somewhere else.

I need forgiveness for not being the friend, sister, daughter and wife I used to be.

But more than anything I need you…

your support, your friendship, your understanding…

a lifetime is an impossibly long time to wait to hold my child again.

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6 thoughts on ““What I Need”

    • blessedwithmore says:

      Jessica, I just read Hadley’s story and didn’t realize when I posted your poem that you also had triplets and were in preterm labor since 18 weeks. Ours stories are the same but different. I have yet to share the story of that day and am having panic attacks when I think of them now. So many questions about where to go from here. Can I ask how you had the courage to try for more? I also share infertility. So much to rise above with a heart that is broken.

  1. Johanna says:

    Hi Janelle. I’m not sure how I stumbled across your blog but I just wanted to encourage you and tell you that I know some of what you feel. We share an amazing faith that sometimes I realize is the only way to deal with something like this. The hope and the promise that we will be reunited with our complete families in heaven is so overwhelming at times and awesome at the same time. I don’t know how other people do it, live with loss and have no idea where their love ones are. I pray that you and your family will continue to draw closer to our heavenly Father as you start this road of loss, loss of hopes, dreams and plans that you have already made. I have two surviving triplets and my son Nathan is with your sween angels right now. I know Jessica from a triplet loss group on FB, let me know if you would like to be added to that group, it’s a nice safe place to share thoughts and feelings that other people may not understand. I’m also in a FB faith based loss group if you are interested in that. Or if you just need someone to talk to or cry with I’m really good at that too ;). I felt like you were sharing so many of my thoughts, hopes and fears when I was reading the blog. Thank you for sharing it, even though it’s such a difficult thing to share with everyone. God uses people all around us and He does have great plans for us even though it doesnt always feel that way. Just know you are not alone.

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